Self Taught Imperfectionist

A lot’s been made of the self taught artist. A soul without influence, unstained by the rules of this world. A mind contributing something completely original and new into the world.

As much as I’d like to be that, I simply am not, at least, not in the typical sense of the word.

I took art classes in elementary school, middle school, and high school. I even have a college degree in art. Beyond that I’ve spent countless hours watching youtube tutorials, and having conversations with great artists.

So, sadly I can’t be that ‘self taught artist’ that it seems is so esteemed by our culture…

I suppose there’s something appealing about the self taught artist that we are all drawn towards. I think it’s something completely unrelated to art. What we’re drawn to is their intuition. We’re drawn to their ability to know and trust themselves. We’re drawn to their ability to beat the odds, and their persistence for self discovery.

It’s in this understanding, that I realized I am self taught.

I’m a self taught imperfectionist.

See, in some ways the odds have been stacked more against me than the self taught artist. I’ve already been taught the way everything was ‘supposed to be.’

I’m not really even talking art here. I’m just talking about in life.

I’ve already been taught clear, rigid rules, of what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong.’

I’ve already been taught to stay in fear, play it safe, and to never stray too far.

I was always that uptight rigid kid growing up.

I’ve learned that it’s harder, however, to unlearn what you were taught, than it is to construct your own reality as an already free spirit.

I had to learn to question, and I had to consciously choose to deconstruct everything I thought I knew.

I gained the confidence to unlearn because perfectionism was slowly killing me. It slowly sucked the life and joy out of everything I did, and left me empty. It is a conscious decision, therefore, for me to let go of this need to ‘perfect’ everything.

I am choosing to stay broken. I am choosing to take risks, and I am choosing to make mistakes along the way. I am choosing the path of imperfection.

The path of becoming ourselves is really what is appealing to others. That path is difficult. It requires some risk taking, and some unlearning, but its worth taking.