200th post

Today marks my 200th consecutive day of journaling, and 200th consecutive day without social media.

I can now say I’ve posted literally hundreds of these journals, and I still have no idea how many people are actually reading them. I’m not gonna lie, I’m actually kind of proud of that. I think that’s a hard feat to accomplish nowadays; to make something continuously without checking/ seeking immediate approval.

Sure, I certainly would love it if a lot of people are following along and enjoying reading these, but I also am excited because I found a deeper reason to create and post than that.

I still remember that pain I was feeling and how low I got from letting people pleasing and comparison steal my joy. I’ll always remember how stuck I felt when I came to a place where I knew I needed to loosen up and let go in order to move forward in life, but was scared of what people would think, scared I might let them down if I was anything other than who I thought they expected me to be.

I remember the incredibly difficult internal battles I faced when I began deconstructing things that had become blocks in my life. I remember the chains I lived in under rules and dogma. I remember the depression I went into, and the isolation I felt, when I felt I had failed to be who I was ‘supposed to be.’ I remember processing through that and just feeling tremendous guilt, shame, and fear.

I also know the freedom I’ve felt in letting go. The freedom that comes from living life without expectation. I found a reason to seek change. I found a reason to fight. Isn’t that all that matters? Isn’t it the battle and willingness to fight that matters most? It’s not about the end result. It’s about the journey.

Announcement:

The next 20 days of journaling will be devoted to stories I accumulated along my travels around the world as part of my ‘Organic Reconstruction Tour.’ As a kid growing up, travelling the world was never something I thought about or even desired to do, but when I came to a point in life where I felt totally stuck, it just seemed like a way out. Most of the travelling was done solo, but I always made friends with strangers along the way. Everywhere I went I brought my sketchbook, and a camera.