Running: What If This Is the Best?

I could see myself running. I was running as hard, and as fast through life as I could. Hard work, and achievement can be a wonderful short term way to avoid real issues. Life becomes a series of checklists, and achievement is the drug that gets you high, while lack of it brings you crashing.

When I was going to counseling, the therapist and I had a conversation. It went something like this:

Him: “What if this is your best you’ll ever be?”

Me: What do you mean?

Him: “You’re trying so hard to always be better at everything. What if this right now, right here, is the best you’ll ever be at any of it?”

Me: “Um, no. That can’t happen.”

Him: “But what if it did? What if this is it? This is the best you’ll be at anything. Would you be content?”

Me: “I don’t know. That’d be really tough.”

I can’t remember much of the conversation after that. I just remember being kind of shocked by the question. For me, life was always about ‘getting better.’ I could always work harder, go further, push more, etc. I considered myself an extremely hard worker, and felt proud of that. Then, to be asked, what if this is your best? I couldn’t grasp that. How could I be satisfied? I’m always trying harder. I’m always reaching for more, always getting better (at most things). I can’t just stop…

… I wouldn’t ‘be enough…

… or well… I mean…

… hmmm